Common Questions
Below are some questions people often ask, clear, practical responses to help you understand the work, the process, and what you might need next.
You’re also welcome to explore more around the site: you might want to start with the welcome page, or get to know me a little through the about me section.
If you’re curious about different approaches, you can read more about what is emdr or what is trauma-informed coaching. And if or when it feels right, you’re welcome to get in touch.
There’s also a selection of thoughtful reflections and resources in the articles section.
What is EMDR?
EMDR is a structured therapy that helps your nervous system process what it couldn’t process at the time.
Not by dragging you back into it.
Not by making you talk it to death.
But by allowing the brain and body to complete what got stuck, after shock, threat, loss, overwhelm, betrayal, accident, crisis, or long strain that never had a clean ending.
Trauma isn’t only what happened.
It’s what happened after.
The way your body stayed ready.
The way sleep changed.
The way your mind kept preparing.
The way you learned to cope so well that people stopped noticing you were still carrying it.
EMDR works with the part of you that still reacts like it’s not over.
People don’t cry in EMDR because they’re reliving the past.
They cry because their system realises it no longer has to hold it the same way.
That moment breaks my heart every time.
Do I have to talk about what happened?
No.
You don’t owe anyone the details of the worst things you’ve lived through.
Some experiences don’t come back as stories. They come back as breath patterns, muscle tension, sudden reactions, numbness, shutdown, irritation, shame, hypervigilance, a body that won’t settle.
EMDR doesn’t require you to perform.
It doesn’t require you to be articulate.
It doesn’t require you to “tell it right.”
We work with what your system already knows, at the pace it can tolerate.
What if I don’t know what’s wrong with me?
Then start with what you do know.
If your shoulders never really drop.
If rest doesn’t feel like rest.
If you feel wired and tired.
If you’re calm on the outside but always scanning underneath.
If small things tip you into big reactions.
If you feel far away from people even when you’re with them.
That isn’t you being difficult.
That isn’t you being broken.
That’s a nervous system that never got a full stand-down signal.
You adapted. You coped. You got on with it.
And it worked.
Is EMDR only for PTSD or “big trauma”?
No.
EMDR can help with PTSD, but also with anxiety, panic, phobias, grief, chronic shame, low self-worth, emotional flashbacks, burnout, and relationship patterns that don’t shift, even when you understand them.
You don’t need a label to deserve relief.
If something keeps looping in your body or mind, that’s enough.
Will EMDR make things better before it gets better?
This is the fear most people don’t say out loud.
What if I open the door and I can’t close it again?
A good EMDR process is not a flood.
It’s not forced exposure.
It’s paced. It’s contained. It’s collaborative.
If things feel too much, we slow down or stop.
If your system needs steadiness, we prioritise steadiness.
The goal isn’t intensity.
It’s integration.
Sometimes what rises isn’t pain.
It’s a relief.
And relief can feel overwhelming when you’ve been strong for too long.
What does an EMDR sessions look like?
You focus on a memory, feeling, belief, or body sensation while using bilateral stimulation (eye movements, tapping, or tones).
You stay present and in control.
You’re not hypnotised.
You’re not being made to “dig.”
You’re guided, not pushed.
It often feels less like “talking about it” and more like your system finally shifting through something it’s held for years.
How many sessions will I need?
It depends on what you’re bringing, how long it’s been there, how your system responds, and what you want from the work.
Some people feel meaningful movement quickly.
Others need longer.
No pressure. No programme forced onto you.
We review progress honestly as we go.
What if I’ve already had therapy before?
Then you might already have insight, language, and understanding, yet still feel like your body didn’t get the memo.
You can know why something happened and still brace like it’s happening again.
That doesn’t mean you failed.
It means the imprint sits deeper than words.
EMDR meets the part that didn’t need explanation; it needed completion.
.
What if my experience wasn’t bad enough?
That sentence tears me in two.
Because it usually means you learned to minimise yourself so other people could stay comfortable.
You learned to compare.
To stay calm.
To cope better.
To be grateful.
To shrink your pain until it looked acceptable.
And you’ve done it for so long that you now doubt whether your pain even qualifies.
It qualifies.
Not because it’s dramatic.
But because it’s yours.
Because it was real, and lonely, and undeserved.
Because you’ve been carrying it without letting anyone sit with it, without asking you to make it smaller.
That is what breaks my heart. Every single time.
What if I’m scared I need this?
Of course you are.
Needing once may have meant disappointment. Silence. Absence. Being too much. Being let down. Having to hold it together anyway.
So you became self-contained.
Capable. Reliable. Strong.
And the world applauded.
But strength without being met becomes a kind of private grief.
When something real is finally offered, it can feel terrifying, not because you’re weak, but because it means you can’t pretend you’re fine anymore.
That fear isn’t resistance.
It’s memory.
Is online EMDR effective?
For many people, yes.
Being in your own space can help your nervous system settle.
You’ll need privacy and a stable connection, and we plan carefully for containment and aftercare.
The work is still real.
The safety still matters.
How do I know If you’re the right therapist for me?
You’ll feel it.
Not in an instant, fireworks way, in a quieter way.
Whether you feel rushed or held.
Whether you feel analysed or met.
Whether your body tightens or softens as you read and listen.
You don’t need to “get it right.”
You just need to notice what your system tells you.
What if I’m not ready?
Then don’t move.
Don’t force a decision.
Don’t pressure yourself into action.
Just notice what happened as you read.
If your throat is tight.
If your chest aches.
If your eyes sting.
If part of you wants to leave the page, but another part keeps reading.
That’s not a weakness.
That’s recognition.
A part of you has been holding something for a long time, and it’s finally being spoken to without being demanded, judged, or rushed.
What is trauma-informed life coaching?
Trauma-informed life coaching is forward-focused support that helps you rebuild confidence, stability, direction, and everyday life after difficult experiences. It’s practical, structured, and emotionally safe, without digging into trauma memories or forcing big emotional breakthroughs.
What is it not?
It isn’t trauma therapy. It isn’t EMDR. It isn’t processing the past, revisiting memories, or working directly with traumatic material. And it isn’t high-pressure “push yourself harder” coaching either. This work is about safety, pacing, and real-life integration, not performance.
How is it different from EMDR?
EMDR is a trauma therapy approach designed to help the brain process stuck or distressing memories. Coaching is not that. Coaching is about what happens after, making sense of your new chapter, building healthier patterns, strengthening boundaries, and moving forward in a way that feels steady and real.
Can EMDR? and coaching be mixed together?
No. I keep the boundary clean. Therapy is therapy, and coaching is coaching. That clarity matters. It protects you, it protects the work, and it avoids confusion. If you’re doing EMDR, we stay in EMDR. If you’re doing coaching, we stay in coaching. No blurred roles.
Who is trauma-informed coaching for?
It’s for people who have been through difficult experiences and want support moving forward without being overwhelmed. It’s especially useful if you’ve already done trauma work, or you’ve stabilised, and now want help rebuilding your life, relationships, direction, confidence, identity, and routines that actually support you.
What happens in a coaching session?
We talk about what’s happening in your life right now, and what’s getting in the way. That might be decisions, boundaries, self-trust, relationships, motivation, or the sense that you’re “back” but not fully back. I help you think clearly, stay steady, and move forward in a way that matches your real pace.
What if trauma comes up during a coaching session?
If something emotional rises, we handle it safely, but we don’t turn coaching into trauma therapy. If it becomes clear that deeper processing is needed, I’ll name that honestly, and we’ll talk about the right next step. The aim is never to push you into something you’re not ready for.
Is trauma-informed coaching like aftercare?
Yes, often it is. For many people, it’s the bridge between “I’ve done the trauma work” and “I’m living again.” It helps you reintegrate gently. It supports you to build a life that feels calmer, clearer, and more yours, without slipping back into old survival patterns.
How long does each approach take?
There’s no fixed timeframe.
Some people notice change within a few sessions, while others work over a longer period.
The emphasis is on stability and sustainability rather than speed.
What are lengths and fees?
Sessions are online and typically last 60 minutes.
EMDR therapy sessions cost £100 each.
Trauma-informed life coaching sessions cost £80 each.
Is the work confidential?
Yes.
Sessions are confidential, with the standard professional exceptions where there’s a serious and immediate risk of harm.
These limits are discussed openly at the start.
How do book a session?
You’re welcome to request a complimentary 20-minute consultation to see whether working together feels right.
This gives you space to ask questions and consider what feels right before making any decision.